Jessie (jessiesk) wrote,

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You know You're Drinking Too Much Coffee When...

Since I don't know what else to write as this day's been slow........
Here's a little something ....

You know
You're Drinking Too Much Coffee When...

  • Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.

  • You ski uphill.

  • You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.

  • You answer the door before people knock.

  • You just
    completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.

  • You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.

  • You have to watch videos in fast-forward.

  • You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.

  • You lick your coffeepot clean.

  • You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."

  • You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.

  • The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.

  • Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's coffee."

  • You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.

  • You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.

  • You can jump-start your car without cables.

  • All your kids are named "Joe."

  • Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."

  • You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.

  • You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.

  • You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.

  • When you find a penny, you say, "Find a penny, pick it up. Sixty-three more, I'll have a cup."

  • The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.

  • Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.

  • Instant coffee takes too long.

  • When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."

  • You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can

  • You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.

  • You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.

  • You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."

  • You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.

  • You can outlast the Energizer bunny.

  • You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.

  • You don't tan, you roast.

  • You don't get mad, you get steamed.

  • Your three favorite things in life before and coffee after.

  • You consider coffee creamer white death

  • Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.

  • You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.

  • You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."

  • Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.

  • You talk so fast your tongue has windburn.

  • You jog to work and arrive yesterday.

  • Your eyes are brown...even the white parts.

  • You personally account for more than 1% of the Gross National Product of Brazil.

  • Your skin is blacker than Bill Cosby's, and you're Caucasian.

  • Your heartburn ignites brush fires.

  • Mosquitoes that bite you can fly through glass.

  • You bungee jump and go UP.

  • Your coffee breath etches glass.

  • You stand in front of the microwave oven screaming, "Hurry UP!!!"

  • You use coffee beans as suppositories.

  • Your coffee cup is visible from the Space Shuttle.

  • You spend the weekend cross-country skiing....and cross the country!

  • You think skydiving is just too darned slow.

I may write my own when I'm bored and really have nothing else to do... I wrote a "You Know You're Watching Too Much Stargate SG1, When..." list, but I lost that on my HDD somewhere.... must... find... soon... or just write up a new one...


  • Update!

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