All right.. What gives? Why do people who have a problem with a person find it hard to walk up to the person and tell it to their face? You’d think if you had a problem, you’d deal with it right there and then, and not sweep it under the carpet so it can crawl back out and bug you again and you can sweep it back under the carpet, and on and on in a vicious circle.
Part of that is people are afraid to hurt other people’s feelings, especially if those people work or live together or are friends. Another part is perhaps diplomacy; you don’t want to stir up bad stuff with your friends. Yet another part may be the fact that some people just want an excuse to go whine to someone else about that particular person every time the person annoys them in some way.
Why do people do this anyway? Get aggravated by something or someone and they go talk to someone else about it, but forget the source of the problem overall. Meanwhile the problem keeps on doing what it did and keeps on aggravating them?
It’s one thing to talk about a particular problem with someone to get their opinion on what you should do, but if you don’t do anything other than unloading onto someone else, the problem is still there. Every time someone bothers you, and you go talk to someone else about it then leave things as they are, that’s not really much of a solution…that’s just hiding from the problem…
What is even worse is what happens when the person who you had a problem with finds out about it from another source? They get really irritated and hurt by you not telling them about it first and sever all ties with you…and you end up feeling bad about it because you didn’t say anything before…how many of us have had those “I wish I had told you sooner” moments?
Seriously, what’s better, finding out you got a problem from a friend, or finding out you got a problem via some other source? The second one hurts you more, personal experience there; yes the first one hurts too, and it doesn’t really have to be blunt either…but in the end it’s for the best, because then you really know how much your friends care – they care enough to want to see you change something bad about yourself; they care enough not to want you hurt yourself further than you have to. They care enough to point it out to you so you can do something about it.
And all those who go “I’m her best friend, but she’s a constant pain in the neck because she constantly talks about politics and I hate politics, but she doesn’t know that” *blinks* ..for crying out loud…TELL her that! She’s not psychic!
Don’t whine to someone about that, tell the person responsible about it if it bugs you and you're their so-called 'best friend', maybe they’ll stop or at least they'll listen! Why cause yourself the extra aggravation by either keeping up with that certain bad habit or distancing yourself from that person by jumping to conclusions that they won’t change and thinking they may stop being your friend? (if they will, they weren’t much of a friend to start with anyway)
If a friend of yours gets a haircut and it really stinks, but they think it's the best thing since sliced bread (ever wonder what was the best thing before sliced bread?) even if everyone else around them thinks they look like a moron. What would you do? tell the friend (gently or not, your choice) to change the hair, or laugh at it from behind your friend's back but say it looks great to your friend's face? Which is the better choice, really?
What I’m trying to say is, deal with the problem at the source, not stab it in the back and have it come back to haunt you later on in some way or form.
Truth comes out sooner or later, in some way or form. It's better to prevent something than cure it. Same thing here, ultimately, it is better the truth comes out sooner than later with a big slap in the face for someone. A slap that will be hard to recover from and will hurt way more than it could’ve hurt. By 'later' the problem will most likely develop into a bigger issue.
Think of it in these terms -- it's easier to prevent cancer than cure it, just like it is easier to prevent a problem than solve it.
Personal note: I'll be the first to admit I've not always done what I've said up there. I'm not perfect, but I am learning and I am reminding myself that it's best to face things now, than keep them away until they develop into a bigger issue.