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Taglines

Okay so it's another slow day at work..... went looking through my mail, found this...
Prepare for a long, long read! Oh just skip to the bottom and act like you read it


Too Many Taglines




  • "Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C mean?"
  • [-------- The information went data way --------]
  • [tap] [tap] [tap] Is this thing on?
  • 2 rules to success in life. 1. Don't tell people everything you know.
  • A good pun is its own reword.
  • A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee.
  • A penny for your thoughts; $20 to act them out.
  • A good hot dog feeds the hand that bites it.
  • A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
  • A)bort, R)etry, I)gnore, V)alium?
  • A)bort R)etry I)nfluence with large hammer.
  • Ability is a good thing but stability is even better.
  • Absence makes the heart grow fungus. (The Barenaked Ladies)
  • After silence, music comes closest to expressing the inexpressible.
  • After all is said and done, usually more is said.
  • All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
  • All I ask is to prove that money can't make me happy.
  • Any man who can see through women is sure missing a lot.
  • Anything not nailed down is mine. Anything I can pry up is not nailed down.
  • Apathy Error: Don't bother striking any key.
  • Are dog biscuits made from collie flour?
  • As they say in Beirut, Shiite happens.
  • Backup not found: A)bort, R)etry, M)assive heart failure?
  • Backups? We doan *NEED* no steenking baX%^~,VbKx NO CARRIER
  • Bad command or file name. Go stand in the corner.
  • Been there, done that, got the T-shirt.
  • Best diet: Eat as much as you want, but don't swallow it.
  • Blessed are the censors; they shall inhibit the earth.
  • Boy: A noise with dirt on it.
  • Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.
  • Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
  • Bureaucrat, n.: A person who cuts red tape sideways.
  • California raisins murdered! Cereal killer suspected.
  • Cats took many thousands of years to domesticate humans.
  • Civilized people need love for full sexual satisfaction.
  • Cleanliness is next to clean-limbed, in the dictionary.
  • Click...click...click...damn, out of new taglines.
  • Close your eyes and press escape three times.
  • Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.
  • Commit suicide. A hundred thousand lemmings can't be wrong.
  • Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels good.
  • Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
  • Does Time pass? Yes, it does. How else can you explain Visa bills?
  • Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
  • Don't you hate it when life doesn't follow the manuals?
  • Don't judge a book by its mini-series.
  • Don't shoot! I'm only the YAMAHA PSR-90 player.
  • Down with categorical imperatives.
  • Dynamic linking error: Your mistake is now everywhere.
  • Earth was interesting, and worth the money I paid for it.
  • Eleven tons of hair stolen. Police combing area.
  • Finger me, I have a .plan...
  • God is REAL, unless explicitly declared INTEGER.
  • Horse sense is the thing a horse has that keeps it from betting on people.
  • I know I have a purpose because I always seem to need deodorant.
  • I went to the Net and all I got was this stupid tagline.
  • I hate laundry month.
  • I am a .signature, and I want to be your friend
  • I disclaim my disclaimer!
  • I do a lot of thinking in the john. Says a lot for my thoughts.
  • If laws were outlawed, only outlaws would be lawyers.
  • Illegitimus non Carborundem -- "Don't let the bastards grind you down".
  • It's always darkest just before it goes pitch black.
  • Love: the word that paints a thousand pictures.
  • Most of us hate to see a poor loser. Rich winners, though, are worse.
  • Mr. Bullfrog sez: Time is fun when you're having flies.
  • Mr. Worf! Eating Christmas Cookies, on my bridge?
  • Multitasking allows screwing up several things at once.
  • Music is the only sensual pleasure without vice.
  • My mail reader can beat up your mail reader.
  • My opinions are not those of my ex-employer.
  • My other tagline is a footnote.
  • My Go this amn keyboar oesn't have any 's.
  • My computer NEVER cras
  • My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
  • Never forget: 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
  • Never hit a man with glasses. Use your fist.
  • Never call a man a fool. Instead, borrow from him.
  • Never, never, never *MOON* a werewolf.
  • Never deprive someone of hope; it may be all they have.
  • Never put off till tomorrow what you can ignore entirely.
  • Never eat prunes when you're famished.
  • Never enough time, unless you're serving it.
  • Next time you wave at me, use more than one finger, please.
  • No wanna work. Wanna bang on keyboard.
  • Nobody can be just like me. Even I have trouble.
  • Nobody ever goes there, it's too crowded. (I've actually HEARD this!)
  • Nobody has ever, ever, EVER learned all of WordPerfect.
  • Nobody home but the lights, and they're out too.
  • Pardon me, waiter. I like my water diluted.
  • Politics: n. from Greek; "poli"-many; "tics"-ugly, bloodsucking parasites.
  • Sign seen on door: C I T Y P L A N N ING
  • Sometimes you're the bird, and sometimes you're the windshield.
  • Spam Lite: with meat products like these, who needs taglines?
  • The glass is half full--and what's in it has gone rancid.
  • The world's coming to an end. Log off and leave in an orderly fashion.
  • There is a 70% probability of tomorrow. (actual weatherman quote. 1988)
  • These are only my opinions. You should see my convictions.
  • This is news. This is your brain on news. Any questions?
  • To define recursion, we must first define recursion.
  • Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.
  • What if there were no hypothetical situations? --Andrew Kohlsmith
  • When in doubt, do as doubters do.
  • When things look dark, hold your head high so it can rain up your nose.
  • Why take life seriously? You're not coming out of it alive anyway!
  • Working in a McDonald's kitchen: one [beep]ing thing after another...
  • ZAP! Process discontinued. Enter any 12-digit prime number to resume.
  • "640K ought to be enough for anybody." Bill Gates '81
  • "Apple" (c) Copyright 1767, Sir Isaac Newton.
  • "Build a watch in 179 easy steps" by C. Forsberg.
  • "C++" should have been called "D"
  • "COINCIDENCE" happens.
  • "Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's hand grenades I throw..."
  • "I'm looking for Mr. Dover, first name Ben.."
  • "If the shoe fits, buy it." Imelda Marcos
  • "Is" is the verb for when you don't want a verb.
  • "Keyboard? How quaint!" - Scotty
  • "Luke... Luke... Use the MOUSE, Luke" - Obi Wan Gates
  • "Please return stewardess to original upright position"
  • "Stupid" is a boundless concept.
  • "Suicide Hotline...please hold."
  • "The faster you go, the shorter you are" - Einstein
  • "To err is human, to forgive....$5.00"
  • "Ummm, Trouble with grammar have I! Yes!" -Yoda-
  • "Vote for Perot" - Bumper sticker attached with velcro.
  • #include SWEEPING_GENERALITY.h
  • $$$ not found -- (A)bort (R)efinance (B)ankrupt
  • (A)bort, (R)etry, (F)*ckup completely?
  • (A)bort, (R)etry, (I)nfluence with large hammer
  • (A)bort, (R)etry, (P)retend this never happened...
  • (C)1992 Wild Bill's Machine Gun Shop and House of Wax.
  • (D)inner not ready: (A)bort (R)etry (P)izza
  • (You can have your cake) XOR (You can eat your cake)
  • (c) Copywight 1992 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved.
  • And if one bad cluster should accidentally fail...
  • .ASM programmers drive stick shifts.
  • /EARTH is 98% full. Please delete anybody you can
  • 1 + 1 = ? Ask my calculator.
  • 1 Minute Shut Mouth Worth 1 Hour Explanation
  • 10 out of 5 doctors feel it's OK to be skitzo!
  • 11 was a race-horse, 22 was 12. When 1111 race, 22112.
  • 1200 bps used to seem so fast
  • 186,000/mps. It's not just a good idea. It's the law.
  • 1st rule of intelligent tinkering - save all the parts
  • 2 + 2 = 4 (for the time being).
  • 2 + 2 = 5 (for sufficiently large values of 2)
  • 2B, or not 2B, or should I use a biro.
  • 3 dreaded words when making love: Is that it?
  • 3 out of 4 Americans make up 75% of the population.
  • 43% of all statistics are worthless.
  • 43rd Law of Computing: Anything that can go wr...
  • 5 schizophrenics agree!
  • 668 - Neighbor of the Beast
  • 69 is fine...but 77'll get me 8 more...
  • 9 out of 10 dentists recommend oral sex....
  • A Buddhist nudist practices yoga bare.
  • A Bugless Program is an Abstract Theoretical Concept.
  • A Smith & Wesson *ALWAYS* beats 4 Aces.
  • A bird in the hand can be messy.
  • A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
  • A camel is a horse planned by committee.
  • A can of worms full of Pandora's boxes.
  • A chicken is an egg's way of producing more eggs.
  • A closed mind gathers no intelligence
  • A closed mouth gathers no feet.
  • A critic is a man who leaves no turn unstoned.
  • A cynic smells flowers and looks for the casket.
  • A day for firm decisions!!!!! Or is it?
  • A day without radiation is a day without sunshine.
  • A day without sunshine is like night.
  • A diplomat thinks twice before saying nothing.
  • A dirty book is rarely dusty.
  • A drawing pin is an excited Smartie
  • A few cans short of a six pack, Six short.
  • A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
  • A fool and his money are soon partying!
  • A fool and his money rarely get together to start with.
  • A fool must now and then be right by chance.
  • A friend in need is a pain in the neck.
  • A good way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
  • A half moon is better than no moon at all.
  • A harp is a nude piano.
  • A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse!
  • A hunch is creativity trying to tell you something.
  • A little bit of uh huh and a whole lot of oh yeah.
  • A little greed can get you lots of stuff.
  • A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.
  • A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
  • A man, a plan, a canal. Suez!
  • A mind is a terrible thing to taste.
  • A mind is a terrible thing to ugg.. I forgot..
  • A neat desk is a sign of a sick mind.
  • A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
  • A penny for your thoughts; $20 to act it out.
  • A penny saved is a Governmental oversight.
  • A penny saved is ridiculous!
  • A perversion of nature....how exciting!
  • A pessimist is never disappointed.
  • A rolling stone gathers momentum.
  • A stage? No, this is not a stage.
  • A waste is a terrible thing to mind.
  • Abandon all hope ye who have entered cyberspace.
  • Alex Haley was adopted!
  • All E-mail gladly received. Offensive reply ASAP.
  • All I want is a warm bed, a kind word and unlimited power
  • All generalizations are bad.
  • All hope abandon, ye who enter messages here.
  • All hope abandon, ye who press ENTER here
  • All in all just another brick in the wall.
  • All life's answers are on TV. - Bart Simpson
  • All stressed out, and no one to choke...
  • All that glitters has a high refractive index.
  • All the easy problems have been solved.
  • All things are green unless they are not.
  • All work and no play, will make you a manager.
  • All you need to be a fisherman is patience and bait.
  • Alone: In bad company.
  • Always draw your curves, then plot the data.
  • Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them so much.
  • Always glad to share my ignorance - I've got plenty.
  • Alzheimers advantage: New friends every day.
  • Amateur Time Lord
  • Ambition is the last refuge of the failure.
  • Amusement is the happiness of those who cannot think.
  • An Elephant; A Mouse built to government specifications.
  • An egotist thinks he's in the groove when he's in a rut.
  • An elephant is a mouse with an operating system.
  • An idle mind is worth two in the bush.
  • An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction.
  • An ounce of emotion is equal to a ton of facts.
  • An oyster is a fish built like a nut.
  • An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
  • An unemployed court jester is no one's fool.
  • Anarchy means ignoring things that really piss you off!
  • And God said: E = +mv} - Ze}/r ...and there *WAS* light!
  • And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
  • And he disappeared in a puff of logic.
  • And how can this be? For he IS the Kumquat Haagen
  • And it's only ones and zeros.
  • And now for something completely else...
  • And now for something completely the same...
  • And now for something ruder...
  • And the days dwindle down to a precious few...
  • And then it goes... BOOOOOMMMM!!!
  • And there he was, reigning supreme at number two.
  • And tomorrow will be like today, only more so.
  • And, the driver compresses EVERYTHING, not just EXE & COM
  • Angels can fly because they take themselves so lightly.
  • Anger blows out the lamp of the mind.
  • Another case of Cherry Coke down the programming hatch!
  • Another fine product from Bastards Inc.
  • Answers: $1 * Correct answers: $5 * Dumb looks: Free! *
  • Antidisestablishmentarianism!
  • Any closet is a walk-in closet if you try hard enough.
  • Any fool can criticize, condemn, & complain. And most do.
  • Any philosophy that can be put in a nutshell belongs ther\C
  • Any wire cut to length will be too short.
  • As a matter of fact, no, I don't have a life.
  • Atheist = Deity Disadvantaged.
  • Bald: follicularly challenged.
  • Beware of programmers carrying screwdrivers
  • Black Holes are Out of Sight
  • Blessed are the pessimists, they make backups!
  • Bliss *IS* ignorance
  • Blood is thicker than water, and tastier.
  • Bo Peep did it for the insurance.
  • Bombs don't kill people, explosions kill people.
  • Bonking with Barbie..
  • Borderline psychotic with hermit-like tendencies.
  • Bore: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
  • Bored? Drive the speed limit... in your garage.
  • Born Again Virgin.
  • Boy: A noise with dirt on it.
  • Brain dysfunction detected....
  • Brain over - Insert coin
  • Brain: The apparatus with which we think that we think.
  • Breast size multiplied by IQ always equals 69
  • Breathing may be hazardous to your health.
  • Britannia waives the rules.
  • Bug off, Banana Nose; Relieve mine eyes
  • Bugger me with a fish fork..
  • Bugs are Sons of Glitches!
  • Bugs, like coathangers, breed if unobserved.
  • Building Contractors, not to be confused with homemakers
  • Bullets speak louder than reason.
  • Bullshit makes the flowers grow and that's beautiful.
  • Bumper sticker on a hearse: I'd rather be breathing
  • Bungee Jumper? Catch you on the rebound.
  • Bureaucrats cut red tape, lengthwise
  • Bus error (Passengers dumped)
  • Bush wears a hat so he knows which end to wipe!
  • But my little voice TOLD me to do it!
  • But soft, what light through yonder tagline breaks?
  • But then again, I like cold toilet seats.
  • But what if I'm a figment of my OWN imagination?
  • Buy Land Now. It's Not Being Made Any More.
  • C programmer run C programmer crash C programmer quit
  • CCITT: Can't Certify I Trust Telecom.
  • CCITT: Can't Conceive Intelligent Thoughts Today
  • CD-WOM, Wead Onwy Memowy.
  • CEO of Dementia and Other Meaningless Entities.
  • CHIP: One California hi-way patrolman.
  • CODING: AN addictive Drug.
  • COMMAND: A suggestion made to a computer.
  • CRASH: Normal termination.
  • CRIME CONTROL: Fire a warning shot into his HEART!
  • CYCLIC REDUNDANCY CHECK: Stocktaking at a Bike shop
  • California raisins murdered: Cereal Killer suspected
  • Call The Bates Motel BBS: 1-800-BIG-NIFE
  • Can I yell "movie" in a crowded firehouse?
  • Can you find the mispelled word in hear?
  • Can you repeat the part after "Listen very carefully"?
  • Can you say "Pervert", I thought you could.
  • Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker.
  • Captain's Log, star date 21:34.5.
  • Card-carrying member of the cultural elite.
  • Castration takes balls.
  • Catholic girls, they never confess.
  • Cause of crash: Inadvertent contact with the ground.
  • Caution: Contents under pressure
  • Caution: Hungry Dieter May bite if provoked
  • Caveat emptor, no deposit no return, do not remove.
  • Celibacy is not hereditary.
  • Chastity is curable, if detected early.
  • Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.
  • Chernobyl used MACs
  • Chicken heads are the chief food of captive alligators.
  • Chipmunks roasting on an open fire.
  • Choosy perverts choose GIF.
  • Christ died for our sins, so let's not disappoint him.
  • Christians do it with grace
  • Christmas comes, but once a year is enough.
  • Civilization - biggest syntax error in history!
  • Clark Kent is a transvestite.
  • Clean mind, clean body: take your pick.
  • Cleanliness is next to impossible.
  • Climate is what you expect. Weather is what you get.
  • Clinton is one Bill, George Bush can't veto...
  • Clones are people two.
  • Close your eyes and press escape three times.
  • Closed Hearing for the Caption Impaired...
  • Cocaine -- the thinking man's Aspirin.
  • Cocaine isn't what it is cracked up to be.
  • Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.
  • Come back ya pansie! I'll bite yer legs off!
  • Coming Soon!! Mouse Support for Edlin!!
  • Coming soon: Netware for the Nintendo!
  • Commit the oldest sins the newest kind of ways.
  • Common sense isn't...
  • Communism is like a mouth on a lollipop
  • Competence always contains the seeds of incompetence.
  • Computational Physicist and all around nice guy.
  • Computer: a million morons working at the speed of light.
  • Computers All Wait at the Same Speed!
  • Computers Rule 01001111 01001011
  • Computers are useless; they can only give answers.
  • Computers run on faith, not electrons.
  • Condense soup, not books!
  • Condom - external storage
  • Condominiums are not effective birth control.
  • Conformity obstructs progress.
  • Confucius say: Those who quote me are fools.
  • Confucius say: Man who meows ate pussy!
  • Confucius say: Man with no legs bums around.
  • Confucius say too much.
  • Confucius say: I didn't say that!
  • Confuse People: Quote from the wrong message!
  • Confusion not only reigns, it pours.
  • Consolations, Consultations, Conflagrations.
  • Conspiracy: the opiate of the asses
  • Converse with any plankton lately?
  • Copyright the Intergalactic Thought Association
  • Could crop circles be the work of a cereal killer?
  • Couldn't myself have better it said.
  • Count Dracula - your Bloody Mary is ready...
  • Cover your stump before you hump.
  • Crime does not pay...as well as politics.
  • Crime doesn't pay... does that mean my job is a crime?
  • Crime wouldn't pay if the Government ran it.
  • Cunnilingus is a real tongue twister!
  • DAM: Mothers Against Dyslexia.
  • DANGER! Computer store ahead, hide wallet!
  • DCE seeks DTE for mutual exchange of data.
  • DEFINE: De ting you get for breaking de law.
  • DEVICE=EXXON.SYS may mess up your environment
  • DILATE: To live longer.
  • DIODE: What happens to people who don't die young.
  • DIVORCE =system("echo y| erase \wife\*.*" );
  • DO NOT ADJUST YOUR MIND - the fault is with reality
  • DO {nothing} WHILE (HearFromMe==0)
  • DOS 5.0 Yesterday's operating system, today!
  • DOS means never having to live hand-to-mouse.
  • DOS-O-MANIA : Reboot is not kicking your computer again
  • DOS-O-MANIA : Root is not the book Alex Haley wrote.
  • DOWN WITH EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!
  • Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C: mean?
  • Dain Bramaged.
  • Dangerous exercise: Jumping to conclusions.
  • Darth Vader! Only you would be so bold.
  • Darth Vader sleeps with a Teddywookie.
  • Database administrators do it with their relations
  • Dawn: The time when men of reason go to bed.
  • Dawson's First Law: You don't have enough outlets.
  • Deaf, dumb, and blonde.
  • Death is 99 per cent fatal to laboratory rats.
  • Death is life's answer to the question 'Why?'
  • Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.
  • Death: to stop sinning suddenly.
  • Definition: pumpkin (v.): What people in Kentucky do.
  • Deflector shields just came on, Captain.
  • Delivered by Electronic Sled-Dogs.....Woof!
  • Democracy's GREAT! Even George Bush can chunder!
  • Democrats Call for Amnesty, Reduced Sentences Likely.
  • Depart in pieces.... i.e., Split.
  • Diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
  • Dictator - a potato with a penis.
  • Did I just step on someone's toes again?
  • Did Tarzan love Cheetah or Jane? - Pictures at 11.
  • Did you expect mere proof to sway my opinion?
  • Diets are for those who are thick and tired of it.
  • Dime: a dollar with all the taxes taken out.
  • Diplomacy: The patriotic art of lying for one's country.
  • Dirty tags and they're done dirt cheap.
  • Disclaimer: All opinions are not really opinions.
  • Disclaimer: Written by a highly caffeinated mammal.
  • Disks travel in packs.
  • Do NOT look into laser with remaining eyeball!
  • Do fish get thirsty?
  • Do not disturb. Already disturbed!
  • Do not fumble with a woman's logic.
  • Do not put statements in the negative form.
  • Do not remove this tagline under penalty of the law.
  • Do steam rollers really roll steam?
  • Do the joke. Get the laugh. Move on.
  • Do vampires get AIDS?
  • Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
  • Doctor Who for president
  • Doctor, my brain hurts!
  • Documentation is the castor oil of programming.
  • Does killing time damage eternity?
  • Does the Enterprise use DOS v 2356.0?
  • Dogs crawl under Gates, software under Windows.
  • Don't Take Life Seriously, It Is Not Permanent.
  • Don't ask me, I have intermittent memory loss
  • Don't ask me, I only work here.
  • Don't ask me, I'm making this up as I go!
  • Don't be a fool; Vulcanize your tool.
  • Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say.
  • Don't believe in miracles, expect them.
  • Don't buy furs, it takes trees to make protest signs.
  • Don't byte off more than you can multiplex.
  • Don't confuse me with facts, my mind's already made up!
  • Don't crush that dwarf, hand me the pliers.
  • Don't diet, download a virus to remove the FAT.
  • Don't do what I SAY, do what I mean!
  • Don't drink and drive - Smoke dope and fly home.
  • Don't drink water. Fish make love in it.
  • Don't force it, use a bigger hammer.
  • Don't get stuck in a closet -- wear yourself out.
  • Don't just do something !!! Stand there !!!
  • Don't just stand there, scratch my back!
  • Don't just stand there...KNEEL!!
  • Don't let school interfere with your education.
  • Don't look at me in that tone of voice!
  • Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you.
  • Don't mess with Murphy.
  • Don't play stupid with me! I'm better at it.
  • Don't press the keys so damned hard!
  • Don't read everything you believe.
  • Don't rush me. I get paid by the hour.
  • Don't speak now, and forever hold your peace.
  • Don't start with me. You know how I get.
  • Don't steal - the government hates competition..
  • Don't stop posting, a good laugh breaks up my day nicely
  • Don't sweat it -- it's only ones and zeros.
  • Don't talk unless you can improve the silence.
  • Don't thank me for insulting you. It was my pleasure...
  • Don't try to saw sawdust.
  • Don't use no double negatives.
  • Don't waste water. Pee on a friend.
  • Don't worry, I'm fluent in weirdo.
  • Down with categorical imperative!
  • Down with ignurance!
  • Drama is life with the dull bits cut out.
  • Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing
  • Drilling for oil is boring.
  • Drink wet cement, and get completely stoned.
  • Dropped from my peeling lips like lousy fruit.
  • Dudley Moore is a phallic thimble.
  • Dyslexics of the world, UNTIE!
  • EMS: Enhanced Money Scam
  • ERROR 103: Dead mouse in hard drive.
  • EXPANSION SLOTS: The extra holes in your belt buckle.
  • Easter is canceled this year. They've found the body.
  • Eat Crap! 10 Trillion flies can't be wrong.
  • Eat the rich, the poor are tough and stringy
  • Egghead: What Mrs. Dumpty gave Humpty
  • Eggheads unite! You have nothing to lose but your yolks.
  • Ego Gratification through Violence
  • Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
  • Elevators smell different to midgets
  • Email me the rules, please!
  • Energizer Bunny Arrested! Charged with battery.
  • Enjoy me, I may never pass this way again.
  • Enough research will tend to support your theory.
  • Enter that again, just a little slower.
  • Eschew obfuscation.
  • Evangelists do more than lay people.
  • Every purchase has its price.
  • Every why hath a wherefore.
  • Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.
  • Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
  • Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid
  • Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
  • Everyone is gifted. Some open the package sooner.
  • Everything bows to success, even grammar.
  • Everything in our favor was against us.
  • Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
  • Excellent time to become a missing person.
  • Excuse me while I dance a little jig of despair
  • Excuse me while I sharpen my tongue.
  • Experience: a name everyone gives to his mistakes.
  • Exploding piglets!!! My god, it's raining bacon!
  • F.A.R.T....Fathers Against Radical Teenagers
  • FLOPPY DISK: Serious curvature of the spine.
  • FOR SALE: Iraqi rifle. Never fired. Dropped once.
  • Fact is solidified opinion
  • Fad: In one era and out the other.
  • Fahrvergnkie: (n) Sex in a Volkswagen.
  • Familiarity breeds attempt
  • Familiarity breeds children.
  • Famous last words - Don't worry, I can handle it.
  • Famous last words - Icarus: Aaaahhhhhhhhh.
  • Famous last words - Jesus Christ: Father, beam me up.
  • Famous last words - Lion at the Circus of Rome: Burp..
  • Famous last words - You and what army?
  • Faster cars, colder beer, younger women, more money!
  • Fat Wars: May the Sauce Be With You.
  • Fat person: Nutritional Overachiever
  • Fatal Error Using Mouse. Replace and Bury Operator.
  • Features should be discovered, not documented.
  • Felines... nothing more than felines...
  • Fer sell cheep: IBM spel chekker. Wurks grate.
  • Figures won't lie, but liars will figure.
  • File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
  • Find your aim in life, before you run out of ammunition
  • First thing you do is shoot all the lawyers
  • Fish and visitors stink in three days.
  • Flames to dev/null/here/is/a/quarter/now/go/buy/a/clue.
  • Flaming nuclear death to Smurfs
  • Flirt: A woman who thinks it's every man for herself.
  • Floppy not responding. Format hard drive instead? (Y/N)
  • Folks who think they know it all bug those of us who do
  • Follow-ups to alt.nobody.really.cares
  • Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
  • Fools rush in where Fools have been before!
  • Fools rush in wherever lottery tickets are sold
  • For Sale: Slightly used message. Enquire within.
  • For every vision there is an equal and opposite revision.
  • For sale, Toilet-seat cover. Barely used.
  • For the finest in brain candy.
  • Forget the Joneses...I can't keep up with the SIMPSONS!
  • Forget the computer! Where's my abacus??
  • Fortune vomits on my eiderdown yet again.
  • Four minus two is one and the same.
  • Free Nelson Mandela, while stocks last!
  • Free advice is worth what you pay for it
  • Freedom is just chaos with better lighting.
  • Friendly fire - ISN'T !
  • Friends are Friends, regardless of their baud rate!
  • Friends come and go, enemies accumulate.
  • Friendship is one soul in two bodies.
  • From my brain, an organ with a mind of it's own.
  • From the Department of Redundancy Dept.
  • Funny, only sensible people agree with me.
  • GET A HAIRCUT!
  • GODISNOWHERE
  • GURU: One who knows more jargon than you.
  • Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.
  • Gargle twice daily - see if your neck leaks.
  • General Failure reading John Dvorak
  • Genitalia is not an Italian airline.
  • George Orwell was an optimist.
  • Get a powerful right arm: subscribe to Playboy.
  • Get behind early so you have plenty of time to catch up.
  • Get the facts first - you can distort them later!
  • Gimme back my face! You're getting it ugly.
  • Give a woman an inch and she'll park a car in it.
  • Give a woman an inch and she thinks she's a ruler.
  • Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.
  • Go Lemmings, Go!!!
  • God I want patience, and I WANT IT NOW!
  • God does not play dice.
  • God heals and the doctor takes the fee.
  • God invented women because sheep can't cook.
  • God is alive - he just doesn't want to get involved.
  • God is love... Love is blind... Ray Charles is God!
  • Going out of my mind, back in 5 minutes.
  • Going the speed of light is bad for your age.
  • Good day to let down old friends who need help.
  • Good girls go to heaven...but bad girls go EVERYWHERE!!
  • Goodness has NOTHING to do with it.....
  • Gotta love me!
  • Gravity brings me down
  • Gravity doesn't exist. The Earth sux.
  • Great minds travel in the same sewers.
  • Greed is good! Greed is right! Greed works!
  • Grow your own dope... plant a man
  • Growing older is mandatory... growing up is optional!
  • Grub first, then ethics.
  • Gun Control means holding it in both hands.
  • Gun Control: Keep muzzle pointed at target.
  • Guns don't kill people... death does.
  • Guns don't kill people..., I KILL PEOPLE!
  • Guten TAG.
  • H lp! S m b d st l ll th v w ls fr m m k yb rd!
  • HAL 9000, you're pretty drunk aren't you Dave?
  • HARDWARE: n. The part you kick.
  • HIC! HLLP I'M STUSCT IN BOOOZZZE WAREHUSE
  • Hackito ergo sum.
  • Hailing frequencies open, Captain.
  • Hams do it with frequency, till their gigahertz.
  • Happiness is Earth in your rear view mirror.
  • Happiness is a warm gun.
  • Happiness is a warm modem
  • Happiness is not a destination. It's the trip.
  • Happiness is...receiving YOUR posts!!!!
  • Hard work must have killed someone!
  • Hard work never killed anyone, but why chance it?
  • Have Tardis, will travel.
  • Have an adequate day.
  • Have cursor, will curse.
  • Have you ever talked into an acoustic modem?
  • Have you seen Quasimoto? I have a hunch he's back!
  • Having two bathrooms ruins the capacity to co-operate.
  • He has Van Gogh's ear for music.
  • He who Laughs, Lasts.
  • He who always plows a straight furrow is in a rut.
  • He who dies with the most access, wins.
  • He who dies with the most toys... is *still* DEAD!
  • He who hesitates is constipated.
  • He who hesitates too long, must change his underwear.
  • He who hesitates.........miss'es out !!!
  • He who laughs last is S-L-O-W.
  • He who laughs last probably made a backup.
  • He who let woman on top is fucking up.
  • He who lives by the sword eats with bloody hands.
  • He who lives by the sword laughs last.
  • He who places head in sand, will get kicked in the end!
  • He who shouts the loudest has the floor.
  • He's dead Jim. Grab his tricorder. I'll get his wallet.
  • He's dim, Jed
  • Heads I win... DITTO tails
  • Hell Hath No Pizza.
  • Hell, if you understood everything I said, you'd be me!
  • Help endangered species - adopt a KGB operative.
  • Help stamp out mental illness, or I'll kill you!
  • Help stamp out, eliminate, and abolish redundancy!
  • Help! I'm lost somewhere in the Generation Gap.
  • Help! I've been stuck in here for years and years...
  • Here today, gaunt tomorrow.
  • Hey! Hacker! Leave those lists alone!
  • Hey! This is a morgue, not an amusement park!
  • Hey! Who took the cork off my lunch??!
  • Hey!! When in Doubt Whip it Out!!!!
  • Hey, shit happens!
  • Hi! I can't remember your name either.
  • Hindsight is always 20:20.
  • Hindsight is an exact science.
  • Hollow chocolate has no calories
  • Holy Smokes!...."the church is on fire!"
  • Honest! It's only a cold sore!
  • Honey, I'll be down in 10 minutes, I promise this time.
  • Honeymoon - the morning after the knot before.
  • Honeymoon Salad: Lettuce alone, with no dressing.
  • Honeymoon: time between "I do" and "you'd better"
  • Hors d'oeuvres--a ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.
  • Housework done properly, can kill you
  • Houston! do you read.
  • How come there's only one Monopolies Commission?
  • How come wrong numbers are never busy?
  • How do you get holy water?... Boil the hell out of it!
  • How do you pronounce my name? With reverence.
  • How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
  • How does Michael Jackson pick his nose? From a catalog!
  • How long will a floating point operation float?
  • How many consultants will fit onto the head of a pin?
  • How many weeks are there in a light year?
  • How much can I get away with and still go to heaven.
  • How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
  • Humpty dumpty was pushed.
  • Hypochondria is the only disease I haven't got.
  • I Have To Stop Now, My Fingers Are Getting Hoarse!
  • I M a tru beleever in hour edukashun sistum.
  • I PROMISE - I won't upload in your mouth!
  • I admit it's offbeat, but lets not get hysterical.
  • I always get my muckin words fuddled
  • I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
  • I am a vampire. Please wash your neck.
  • I am both of us & so are you.
  • I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
  • I am functioning within established parameters.
  • I am in total control, but don't tell my wife.
  • I am serious. And don't call me Shirley.
  • I am sweet and lovable at all times.
  • I apologize to the deaf for the loss of subtitles.
  • I appreciate your not breathing while I smoke
  • I believe in a god which doesn't need heavy financing
  • I bet you I could stop gambling.
  • I bought a cordless extension cord.
  • I came, I saw, I took LOTS of PICTURES!
  • I came... I saw... I stole your tagline.
  • I can do without essentials but I must have my luxuries
  • I can quit anytime I want; I just don't want to!
  • I can resist anything but temptation.
  • I can tell you are lying. Your lips are moving.
  • I can walk on water, but I stagger on alcohol.
  • I can't be overdrawn, I still have checks left!
  • I can't hear you. There's a banana republic in my ear.
  • I cna ytpe 300 wrods pre mniuet!!!
  • I could be arguing in my spare time.
  • I could prove God statistically.
  • I couldn't care less about apathy.
  • I didn't cheat, I just changed the Rules!
  • I distinctly remember forgetting that.
  • I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
  • I do this kind of stuff to him all through the picture.
  • I don't need a disclaimer. I OWN the company.
  • I don't want the world, I just want your half.
  • I drink to make other people interesting.
  • I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages.
  • I feel so inar-inar-inar tic-u-late
  • I find myself beside a stream of empty thought
  • I float like an anchor and sting like a moth.
  • I get mail........ I exist.
  • I give advice worth the price....free!
  • I got arrested in LA and boy am I beat!
  • I guess a cynic smells different.
  • I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.
  • I have a 9600bps modem and 1.5bps fingers
  • I have a speech impediment... my foot.
  • I have already not made that point
  • I have given my pain a name..!!
  • I have seen the evidence. I want DIFFERENT evidence!
  • I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
  • I haven't lost my mind, I know exactly where I left it.
  • I hear what you're saying but I just don't care.
  • I is knot dain bramaged!
  • I just bought a cured ham. Wonder what it had?
  • I keep my .BAT files in D:\BELFRY
  • I know everything about everything, except that.
  • I know it all. I just can't remember it all at once.
  • I like candy, especially the gooey kind with nougat!
  • I like to leave messages *before* the beep.
  • I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
  • I like to think of myself as a divide overflow.
  • I like two kinds of women: domestic and foreign.
  • I like women with big... HEARTS! YEAH! THAT's it!
  • I like your approach, now let's see your departure.
  • I look better on a woman!
  • I lost a button hole today.
  • I lost my knickers at Niagara.
  • I made it foolproof. They are making better fools!
  • I may be getting older, but I refuse to grow up
  • I may not be perfect, but parts of me are excellent.
  • I mustanottagottalotta sleep last night.
  • I never deny, I never contradict. I sometimes forget.
  • I never met a chocolate I didn't like!
  • I owe, I owe, it's off to work I go.
  • I parked my hard disk and now I can't find it!
  • I post.......... I am
  • I promise results, not promises.
  • I saw, I came, I cleaned it up.
  • I snatch kisses. (and vice versa)
  • I spilled spot remover on my dog and now he's gone.
  • I still miss my ex-wife - but my aim is improving!
  • I think I strained a muscle I didn't know I had!
  • I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.
  • I think the phrase rhymes with Clucking Bell
  • I think, therefore I am. I think.
  • I think. Therefore I am DANGEROUS.
  • I think................I am paid.
  • I thought I was mistaken but I was mistaken.
  • I tried an internal modem, but it hurt when I walk.
  • I tried switching to gum but couldn't keep it lit.
  • I try to make everyone's day a little more surreal.
  • I used to be disgusted, but now I'm just amused.
  • I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.
  • I used to be schizophrenic, but we're all right now.
  • I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.
  • I used to spell badlie, but now I got worser.
  • I wake near the end of the day.
  • I want .50 cal machine guns as a factory option.
  • I warn you not to underestimate my powers.
  • I was arrested for walking in someone else's sleep.
  • I washed my edible underwear and now they're gone.
  • I went on a 30-day diet - and lost 30 days!
  • I will defend to your death my right to my opinion.
  • I wish life had a scroll-back buffer.
  • I would jog, but the ice would fall out of my glass.
  • I wouldn't touch the Metric System with a 3.048m pole!
  • I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
  • I'd like to, but last time I went I never came back..
  • I'd love to, but I have to fulfill my potential.
  • I'd love to, but I have to rotate my crops.
  • I'd love to, but I have to stay home and see if I snore
  • I'd love to, but I prefer to remain an enigma.
  • I'd love to, but I think you want the OTHER Luke.
  • I'd love to, but I'm trying to be less popular.
  • I'd love to, but I've dedicated my life to linguini.
  • I'd love to, but my crayons all melted together.
  • I'd love to, but my favorite commercial is on TV.
  • I'd love to, but my patent is pending.
  • I'd love to, but none of my socks match.
  • I'd love to, but there's a disturbance in the Force.
  • I'd love to, but you know how we psychos are.
  • I'd rather have a 3.5" hard one than a 5.25" floppy one
  • I'd tell you more more, but you might blush.
  • I'll eat anything that's BRIGHT BLUE!!
  • I'll get you my pretty, and your little dog too!
  • I'll have what the guy in the casket had.
  • I'll have what the guy on the floor is having.
  • I'm Not Schizophrenic, And Neither Am I.
  • I'm a Bum...a BEACH Bum!
  • I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I'm perfect.
  • I'm an incorrigible punster, so don't corrige me!
  • I'm an influential person, gravitationally speaking.
  • I'm as bored as a pacifist's pistol.
  • I'm at the corner of Walk and Don't Walk.
  • I'm easy to please as long as I get my way.
  • I'm just looking at your nametag, honest!
  • I'm making a career of evil.
  • I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes.
  • I'm new and what's all this then?
  • I'm not as dumb as you look.
  • I'm not as thunk as you drink I am.
  • I'm not broke, I'm just badly bent.
  • I'm not even going to ignore that.
  • I'm not fat just horizontally disproportionate.
  • I'm not loafing. I work so fast I'm always finished
  • I'm not lost, I'm "locationally challenged."
  • I'm not lost, but I don't know where I am.
  • I'm not on drugs. I am drugs.
  • I'm not real smart, but I can lift heavy things.
  • I'm not rude, I'm "attitudinally challenged".
  • I'm not tense, just terribly A*L*E*R*T!!
  • I'm on the crest of a slump.
  • I'm pink, therefore I'm spam
  • I'm schizophrenic, What are you?
  • I'm so broke, I can't even pay attention.
  • I'm spending a year dead for tax purposes.
  • I'm sure it's clearly explained in the Zmodem DOC's
  • I'm the person your mother warned you about.
  • I'm turning you in to the SPCA!
  • I've been seduced by the chocolate side of the force.
  • I've got Parkinson's disease. And he's got mine.
  • I've got a mind like a.. a.. what's that thing called?
  • I've got morals. I just don't know where they are.
  • I've got to sit down and work out where I stand.
  • I've had a hard drive, think I'll crash.
  • I've had fun before. This isn't it.
  • I've upped my standards, SO UP YOURS!
  • IBM: I've Been Misled
  • IBM: It may be slow, but at least it's expensive.
  • IBM: you can buy better, but you can't pay more
  • IF numcooks ] .maxcooks THEN;SET V broth = 'spoiled';END
  • INTERLACE: To tie two boots together.
  • If Einstein Had Been Black It would be E=MC Hammer.
  • If I can't fix it, it's probably dead.
  • If I had anything witty to say, I wouldn't put it here.
  • If I shot myself, my ex would sue me for the bullet
  • If I want any shit outta you I'll squeeze your head.
  • If I want your stupid opinion, I'll beat it out of you.
  • If I were here more often, I wouldn't be gone so much.
  • If I were two faced, would I wear this one?
  • If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will.
  • If The Shoe Fits - The Sock Fits !
  • If a fly has no wings would you call him a walk?
  • If all the ladies bend over, I would be very happy.
  • If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail
  • If at first we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.
  • If at first you don't succeed, hide your astonishment.
  • If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
  • If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you.
  • If at first you don't succeed, you've failed failed again
  • If brains were dynamite you couldn't blow your nose!
  • If cows could fly, everyone would carry an umbrella.
  • If idiots could fly, this would be an airport.
  • If in doubt, make it sound convincing.
  • If it feels good do it, and if it does good feel it.
  • If it glows don't touch it!
  • If it has feelings, its not cooked enough!
  • If it has tits or tires, there will be problems.
  • If it isn't broken, don't fix it.
  • If it isn't original, it isn't sin.
  • If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing
  • If it screams it's not food......yet. [[Evil Grin]]
  • If it works, tear it apart and find out why!
  • If it's not going to plan, maybe there never was a plan.
  • If it's not on fire, it's a software problem.
  • If it's stupid and works, then it ain't stupid
  • If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
  • If little else, the brain is an educational toy.
  • If love is blind, why is Lingerie so popular?
  • If marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws.
  • If nobody measures up, check your yardstick.
  • If there are epigrams, there must be meta-epigrams.
  • If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
  • If there's one thing I can't stand, it's intolerance.
  • If this is heaven, why am I bored out of my skull?
  • If truth is stranger than fiction, you must be truth!
  • If voting changed anything, they'd make it illegal.
  • If wishes were horses, dogfood would be a lot cheaper.
  • If ya can't beat 'em.......RUN!
  • If you can read this you have a modem.
  • If you can't be good, be careful.
  • If you can't be offensive WHY BOTHER?
  • If you can't debug it, deplug it.
  • If you can't make it good, make it LOOK good." B. Gates
  • If you can't make it good, make it big.
  • If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
  • If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
  • If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?
  • If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost.
  • If you don't like my opinion of you - improve yourself!
  • If you don't think women are explosive, drop one!
  • If you have nothing to do, don't do it here.
  • If you have nothing to say, please only say it once!
  • If you have to ask what jazz is, you'll never know.
  • If you meet Ken Thompson on the road, kill him.
  • If you mess with something long enough it'll break.
  • If you prick me, do I not get turned on?
  • If you see an onion ring, ANSWER IT!
  • If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast.
  • If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
  • If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
  • If you want your name spelt wrong, die.
  • If you're a typical student, consider the fact there is
  • If you're not confused, you're not paying attention.
  • If your attack is going well, then it's an ambush..
  • If your behind is in front, you turned around!
  • Ignorance can be cured. Stupid is forever.
  • Illiterate?... Write for free help.
  • Imagery is All In The Mind.
  • Immoral Majority Charter Member.
  • Impropriety is the soul of wit.
  • In God we trust, all others pay cash.
  • In a fight between you and the world, back the world.
  • In case of fire, yell "FIRE!"
  • In politics stupidity is not a handicap.
  • In the land of the witless, the halfwit is king.
  • In war there is no substitute for victory.
  • Include this in your CONFIG.SYS File: BUGS=OFF
  • Incompetence plus incompetence equals incompetence.
  • Inertia makes the world go round.
  • Inferiority complex: conviction by a jury of your fears.
  • Ingres is not a necessary precursor to Egress.
  • Innuendo: Italian Suppository.
  • Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.
  • Insert New Disk for Drive C: Press ENTER when ready.
  • Insert inevitable trivial witticism of your choice.
  • Interchangeable parts won't.
  • Internal combustion engines are the dinosaurs' revenge
  • Interstellar Matter is a Gas
  • Invisible Systems, Inc. If you don't see it, we made it.
  • Iraq won the toss... and elected to receive.
  • Iraq's national bird?, "DUCK"
  • Iraqi Bingo B-52..F-16..A-10.. F-18..F-117..B-2
  • Iron Law of Distribution: Them that has, gets.
  • Is FIDO a dog?
  • Is a castrated pig disgruntled?
  • Is it ok to use my AM radio after NOON?
  • Is it possible to feel gruntled.
  • Is that a flying saucer or a pie in the sky?
  • Is that a hard drive or are you just happy to see me?
  • Is this a machine? I don't talk to machines! [Click]
  • Is this bullshit or fertilizer?
  • Is this the right room for an argument?
  • It ain't easy being easy.
  • It all looks the same if you're not the lead dog.
  • It depends on which end he tries to light.
  • It did what? Well, it's not supposed to do that.
  • It is always better to sacrifice your opponent's men
  • It is better to wear out than to rust out.
  • It is broke. It will not work. It does not go.
  • It is incumbent on us to avoid archaisms.
  • It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.
  • It is much easier to be critical than to be correct
  • It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail.
  • It really bothers me when people cut me o...
  • It said "Insert disk #3", but only two will fit!
  • It works better if you plug it in.
  • It's Tekonojikly better!
  • It's a Tough Job! ..... So I'd Rather YOU do it.
  • It's an ill wind that gathers no moss.
  • It's bad luck to be superstitious.
  • It's been a business doing pleasure with you.
  • It's better to burn out than to fade away.
  • It's clever, but is it art?
  • It's easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
  • It's easy to apply yourself, just use crazy glue!
  • It's easy to be brave from a safe distance.
  • It's hard to RTFM when you can't find the FM..
  • It's hard to be serious when you're naked.
  • It's life Jim, but not as we know it.
  • It's more than a reader. It's a message base manager!
  • It's never too late to have a happy childhood
  • It's not the bullet that kills you, it's the hole.
  • It's not the principle of the thing, it's the money
  • It's okay to be ugly...but aren't you overdoing it?
  • It's only a hobby ... only a hobby ... only a
  • It's only ones and zeros.
  • It's over when the fat lady sits on your face.
  • It's smart to pick your friends -- but not your nose.
  • It's smart to pick your friends, but not to pieces.
  • It's smart to pick your friends, but not your nose.
  • It's starting to rain, .SQZ the animals into the .ARC !
  • It's true, forgiveness IS easier to get than permission
  • It's worse than that, he's dead Jim.
  • Its a JOKE, like the funny kind but different.
  • Ivan Poorovitch, Russia's new premier.
  • Ivo Andric - Yugoslavia's First Nobel Laureate
  • JFK: I need this motorcade like a hole in my head!
  • JOYSTICK: Peripheral used by consulting adults.
  • James Bond rules. 00K.
  • Jealousy is all the fun you think they have.
  • Jeez if you love honkus
  • Jesus Christ is the answer. Now, what was your question
  • Jesus Saves! But Gretzky scores on the rebound.
  • Jesus is coming back, and boy, is he ticked!
  • Jesus saves, Gretsky steals, he shoots, HE SCORES!
  • Jet Engine Theory -Suck, Squeeze, Bang, Blow!
  • Junior! Quit playing with your floppy.
  • Junk - stuff we throw away. Stuff - junk we keep.
  • Just because you're STUPID ain't no excuse.
  • Just don't tell the asylum you saw me here
  • Just how much leg have I got
  • Just my two rubber ningis worth.
  • Just what part of "NO" didn't you understand...?
  • Justice is incidental to law and order.
  • Justice: A decision in your favor.
  • Kamikaze Pilot Wanted: Experienced only need apply.
  • Karma, Let me guess, The Toyota Factory!
  • Keep NZ Beautiful.... emigrate.
  • Keep NZ beautiful. Swallow your beer cans.
  • Keep a clear head and always carry a lightbulb.
  • Keep emotionally active. Cater to your favorite neurosis.
  • Kicked wide of the goal with such precision.
  • Kill them all! .... Let God sort them out.
  • Kilroy occupied these coordinates.
  • Kite fliers keep it up longer.
  • Kleptomania: take something for it
  • Kleptomaniac: A rich thief.
  • Know God...No peace. No God...Know peace.
  • Know what I hate? I hate rhetorical questions!
  • Knowing Murphy's Law won't help either.
  • LATER..........AS IN MUCH!!
  • LISP: To call a spade a thpade.
  • Land of the Single Entendre...
  • Laugh and the world thinks you're an idiot.
  • Laughter: The shortest distance between two people.
  • Lawyers: The larval form of politicians.
  • Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.
  • Lead, follow, or get the hell out of the way!
  • Learn to splel, danmit!
  • Lesser artists borrow. Great artists steal.
  • Let he who takes the plunge remember to return it!
  • Let him who is stoned cast the first sin.
  • Let's split up, we can do more damage that way.
  • Liberal - a power worshiper without power.
  • Libraries: There are no answers, only cross references.
  • Life is Roff when yer Stewpid
  • Life is a sandwich, and it's always lunchtime
  • Life is a series of very rude awakenings.
  • Life is a sexually transmitted disease
  • Life is anything that dies when you stomp it!
  • Life is like a Car-wash and I'm on a bicycle.
  • Life is only as long as you live it.
  • Life is serious, but ART is fun!
  • Life is uncertain...eat dessert first!
  • Life sucks, but Death swallows!
  • Life would be easier if I had the source code.
  • Life's a bitch, and then you marry one.
  • Life's a witch, then you fly.
  • Life, loathe it or ignore it, you can't like it.
  • Likelihoods, however, are 90% against you.
  • Likes and dislikes are among my favorites
  • Liposuction will destroy your FAT
  • Living poor is best left to those with no money.
  • Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.
  • Love is blind, marriage is the eye-opener.
  • Love is grand. Divorce is twenty grand.
  • Love your neighbor but don't get caught.
  • M.A.D.D.: Midgets Against Desk Drawers.
  • MASTURBATION...the human version of AUTOEXEC.BAT.
  • Macho does not prove Mucho.
  • Make it as simple as possible, but no simpler.
  • Make it do ... Or do without.
  • Make like a Tom and Cruise.
  • Make like a bottom and split.
  • Make like a drum and beat it!
  • Make like a shepherd and get the flock out of here.
  • Make like a tree and leave.
  • Make somebody happy. Mind your own business.
  • Man has his will. Woman has her won't!
  • Man invented language to satisfy his need to complain.
  • Man who get hit by car,get that run down feeling
  • Man with athletic finger make broad jump.
  • Marching to a different kettle of fish.
  • Marilyn Monroe? A vacuum with nipples.
  • Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
  • Marriage? Sorry, I can't mate in captivity.
  • Marry your mistress, create a job vacancy.
  • Mary had a little RAM -- only about a MEG or so.
  • Mary had a little lamb, a little beef, a little ham.
  • Master Baiter
  • Mastermind specialist subject - the bleedin' obvious..
  • Masturbation is coming unscrewed.
  • Math is the language God used to write the universe.
  • Matrimony isn't a word, it's a sentence.
  • May the Porsche be with you.
  • May you live in interesting times.
  • May your life be filled with experiences.
  • Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
  • Me know gammar. Me cood use it gud.
  • Mediocrity requires aloofness to preserve it's dignity
  • Megabyte: A nine course dinner.
  • Memory is a thing we forget with.
  • Men play the game; women know the score.
  • Mercifully free of the ravages of intelligence
  • Microfiche: Sardines.
  • Migratory lifeform with a tropism for parties
  • Mind if I rape your daughter
  • Misfortune: The kind of fortune that never misses.
  • Mistakes are often the stepping stones to utter failure.
  • Modem sex begins with a handshake.
  • Modem sex, the next best thing to being there.
  • Modem: What landscapers do to dem lawns.
  • Modems.....reach out and BYTE someone!
  • Mondays are the potholes in the road of life
  • Money is the root of all wealth.
  • Monogamy leaves a lot to be desired.
  • Monopoly? No, we just don't want competition.
  • Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
  • Most gays have heterosexual parents.
  • Most of us have been at work for several hours now.
  • Mother Nature is a bitch.
  • Mother is the invention of necessity.
  • Multitasking = 3 PCs and a chair with wheels!
  • Multitasking causes schizophrenia.
  • Multitasking: Reading in the bathroom
  • Murphy is out there... waiting...
  • Murphy was an optimist.
  • Must Go - My Rotweiler needs its teeth sharpened.
  • My Go amn keyboar oesn't have any 's!
  • My God can beat up YOUR god...
  • My I.U.D. picks up Radio Windy.
  • My RAM's not what it used to be, so don't quote me.
  • My best friend is a social worker.
  • My computer has a terminal illness
  • My computer puts out.
  • My computer's sick, I think my modem's a carrier
  • My couch potato routine honed to perfection
  • My fallacies are more logical than your fallacies.
  • My foolish parents taught me to read and write.
  • My hat covers my head... Just like hair used to!
  • My head is sore, and there's a hole in the brick wall!
  • My inferiority complexes aren't as good as yours.
  • My karma ran over my dogma
  • My kingdom for a beer; half my beer for a woman.
  • My life may be strange, but at least it's not boring
  • My lord, I have a cunning plan...
  • My lucky color just faded.
  • My message above. Your response here ____________.
  • My modem can beat up your modem.
  • My other car is a broom!
  • My other computer is a abacus.
  • My tagline can beat up your tagline!
  • My weight is perfect for my height... which varies.
  • NETWORK: What fishermen do when not fishing.
  • NO MORE BU__ SH__
  • NUMBER CRUNCHING: Jumping on a Computer.
  • Naaah, real men don't read docs.
  • Nanosecond: Mork's stunt man.
  • Neil Armstrong tripped.
  • Neurotic: Self-taut person.
  • Never argue with a woman when she's tired, or rested.
  • Never assume. It makes an "ass" out of "u" and "me".
  • Never before have so few puked so much on so many.
  • Never count your chickens before they rip your lips off
  • Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you
  • Never eat yellow snow!
  • Never enter a battle of wits unarmed.
  • Never go with the odds
  • Never hit a man with glasses. Use your fist!
  • Never let your feet run faster than your shoes.
  • Never mind the facts - I know what I know.
  • Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
  • Never shove your granny while she's shaving.
  • Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
  • Never trust a man who can count to 1,023 on his fingers
  • Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
  • Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
  • Never use a preposition to end a sentence with.
  • New Highway gets Railroaded.
  • Newsbytes - Microsoft announce EDLIN for Windows.
  • Next time you wave, use ALL of your fingers!!
  • Nihilism should commence with oneself.
  • Nil taurus excretum. No El Toro Poopoo either!
  • Ninety per cent of everything is crap.
  • Nitpicking: Not just a hobby, it's a way of life!
  • Nitrate: Lower than the day rate.
  • No free lunch in an ecosystem.
  • No matter what they SAY, size IS important!
  • No matter where you go, there you are.
  • No sense being pessimistic. It wouldn't work anyway.
  • No wanna work... wanna bang on keyboard!
  • No, I'm from NZ. I only work in Outer Space.
  • No?! Some people still read mail a packet at a time?!
  • Nodding the head does not row the boat.
  • None of you exist, my Sysop types all this in.
  • Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
  • Not many people realize just how well known I am.
  • Not quite human any longer.
  • Not tonight honey... I have a modem
  • Nothing is 100% certain, bug free or IBM compatible.
  • Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come
  • Nothing is ever so bad that it can't get worse.
  • Nothing is foolproof because fools are so ingenious
  • Nothing is impossible for anyone impervious to reason
  • Nothing recedes like success.
  • Nothing succeeds like excess.
  • Nothing this evil EVER dies!
  • Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time.
  • Now is not a good time to annoy me
  • Now is the time for all good men to come to.
  • Now where did I put that rubber doll?
  • Nudist Camp sign - Sorry, Clothed for Winter.
  • Nudists are people who wear one-button suits.
  • Nuke the baby seals for Jesus
  • OPERATOR! Trace this call and tell me where I am.
  • ORG.ASM Not Found. Wife not happy!
  • OS/2 - Not just another pretty program loader!
  • OS/2 - Windows with bullet-proof glass.
  • OS/2 VirusScan - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/y)"
  • OUCH! Got my floppy caught in my PKZipper!
  • OUT TO LUNCH - If not back at five, OUT TO DINNER!
  • Objection, your Honor! My client is an idiot!
  • Objectivity is in the eye of the beholder
  • Objects in taglines are closer than they appear.
  • Obscenity is whatever gives a judge an erection.
  • Of all the people I've met you're certainly one of them
  • Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
  • Oh goody! Another Muranium Explosive Space Modulator!
  • Oh no you don't! Your not stealing this one!
  • Oh no, not another learning experience!
  • Oh yeah? Well, beam *THIS* up, pal!
  • Okay - right after this one we're BACK to the TOPIC
  • Old MacDonald had a computer with an EIE I/O
  • On a scale of 1 to 10, 4 is about 7.
  • On an electrician's truck: Let Us Remove Your Shorts
  • On the other hand, you also have 5 fingers.
  • On the unlabeled disk? HELL they're all unlabeled!
  • Once I thought I was wrong - but I was mistaken
  • One atom bomb can really ruin your day.
  • One good turn gets most of the blanket.
  • One in Kate Bush is worth two in the Hand.
  • One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do...
  • One legged girls are pushovers.
  • One man's Windows are another man's walls.
  • One man's meat is another's editor
  • One man's upload is another man's download
  • One night I came home very late. It was the next night
  • One way to stop a run away horse is to bet on him.
  • Only 19,999 lines of C++ to my next ski trip...
  • Only God can make random selections.
  • Only a wimpy God can't get it right the first time!
  • Only cosmetologists give make-up exams.
  • Only the winners decide what were war crimes.
  • Open Mouth. Insert Foot. Chew Carefully.
  • Open mouth. Insert Foot. Echo internationally.
  • Open your drive door, honey.
  • Oprah spelled backwards is Harpo!
  • Optimization hinders evolution.
  • Originality is the art of concealing your sources.
  • Our houseplants have a good sense of humous.
  • Out of the mouths of babes does often come cereal.
  • Outlaw junk mail, and save the trees!
  • Overload--core meltdown sequence initiated.
  • Oxymoron - Definite possibility
  • Oxymoron - Military Intelligence
  • Oxymoron: Bosnian Cease-Fire
  • Oxymoron: Soviet Union.
  • PCBackup: 1 of 1362 disks.
  • PI seconds is a nanocentury. - Tom Duff, Bell Labs
  • PIMP: a fornicaterer.
  • PKZip - it's not just for downloads anymore
  • PMS- Presentation Manager Syndrome.
  • Pagan Missionary
  • Pagan and Proud
  • Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.
  • Palindrome isn't one.
  • Pandemonium doesn't reign here... It pours!
  • Paranoia is heightened awareness.
  • Paranoia is simply an optimistic outlook on life.
  • Pardon my driving, I'm trying to reload.
  • Pascal: What's it Wirth?
  • Passwords are implemented as a result of insecurity.
  • Patience is a virtue that carries a lot of WAIT!
  • Peace through superior firepower.
  • Peanuts: The Drinking Man's Filter.
  • People are always available for work in the past tense.
  • People say I'm apathetic, but I don't care.
  • People who live in glass houses shouldn't!
  • People will die this year that never died before
  • Permission for lip to wobble, Sir?
  • Perot/Bush/Quayle: The Millionaire, Skipper & Gilligan.
  • Pet Store: "Buy one, get one flea."
  • Petroleum and coffee had no value a few centuries ago.
  • Photographers do it in dark rooms.
  • Pi R squared. Nooo! Pie R round, cornbread R square!
  • Pizza IS the four food groups!
  • Plagiarism is the sincerest form of flattery.
  • Plagiarism prohibited, derive carefully.
  • Please don't drink and post.
  • Please don't filter this twit
  • Pobody's Nerfect!
  • Poets go from bad to verse
  • Point not found. A)bort, R)eread, I)gnore.
  • Politeness, n: The most acceptable hypocrisy.
  • Political panjandrums prologize pedantic paronomasia.
  • Political power grows out of the barrel of a gun.
  • Politics is the entertainment branch of industry.
  • Polymer physicists are into chains.
  • Pornography? We don't even have a pornograph!
  • Positive: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.
  • Power corrupts, but we need electricity.
  • Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.
  • Praise the lord and pass the ammunition.
  • Predestination was doomed from the start.
  • Predicting the future of technology is fraud with peril!
  • Prepare to meet thy GOD! (Evening dress optional)
  • Press [CTRL]-[ALT]-[DELETE] to continue.
  • Press all the keys at once to continue...
  • Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
  • Procrastination: The art of keeping up with yesterday.
  • Programmers do it in loops.
  • Programmers get overlaid!
  • Progress is made on alternate Fridays.
  • Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
  • Prosecutors will be violated
  • Psychiatrists stay on your mind.
  • Psychoceramics: The study of crackpots.
  • Psychologists only do it if they feel good about it
  • Push any key. Then push the any other key.
  • Push the limit, and the limit will move away!
  • Put on your seatbelt. I wanna try something.
  • Put people on hold when possible.
  • Queen Elizabeth rules, UK?
  • Question Authority, ask me anything
  • RAID Antivirus - Kills Virus's DEAD!!!
  • REALITY.DAT not found. Press any key to reset Universe.
  • REALITY.SYS Corrupted - Unable To Recover Universe
  • REALITY.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot universe? (Y/N/Q)
  • RECOVER.COM: a little slice of hell
  • RESTORE A: C:\VIRGINITY\*.* /S
  • Racial prejudice is a pigment of the imagination.
  • Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
  • Radioactive halibut will make fission chips.
  • Rampaging anarchist horde and floating beer party
  • Rap music is Oxymoron
  • Read what I mean, not what I write.
  • Real Programmers aren't afraid to use GOTO's.
  • Real men don't set for stun.
  • Real men write self-modifying code.
  • Reality Is An Illusion Caused By Lack Of Acid
  • Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle buttons
  • Reality is an obstacle to hallucination.
  • Reality is for people who can't handle drugs.
  • Reality is nothing but

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