November 12th, 2005

Gibbs stare

Dwindling Creativity.....

Yeah so... heh. I hadn't slept at all...spent the night reading the Guardian stuff... and wow... was that ever some powerful writing back then or what...I could literaly see things happening...I could feel them.. I was there.. I was Jackie... I could literally feel the pain in my stomach when I read the part where Jackie gets stabbed at one point. That was some really powerful writing back then. I looked at the date on some of those posts, December 2002 onwards to 2003. Wow...

Which brings me to the point of now....You're supposed to improve with years, not get crappier! I can't write!  ... not like I used to... my stuff just sounds too.... 2D... Partially because I think about too many details.. I process things too much and in the end take things too seriously...which helps when I'm writing articles for StudenTalk, but definitely not when I'm writing for simms or.. for enjoyment... I don't enjoy it anymore it seems.. not the way I used to... it feels more like a chore than fun.. it's no longer the creative outlet that it's supposed to be.. it's now a way to make things better in terms of writing.. to improve things.. because a lot of the stuff I write, I re-read and go "does it make sense? is it....possible? is it...flowing like it's supposed to?" and hwen you start asking yourself these questions is when you have to start worrying, because this sort of creative writing is supposed to be ... you know.. CREATIVE... free flowing... there shouldn't be painfull thinking about the details... yet i do that... :: twitches:: I mean heck.. most of my simm characters aren't talking to me.. or if they are I can't hear them.. or maybe I can but i'm going "no this is what I want you to do, because if you do this, it'll look ...weird/why would you do this?" and that sorta thing..

Furthermore,  I have to think about things in my mind, to see if it makes sense before I write it down, and most of the time it ends up not making sense in some part, and I just throw the idea outta the window... :: runs around in circles:: augh...

I think too much! ARGH! Way... too.... much.... 's why my edge's gone... I take it too seriously...set standards too high for my writing... so usually whatever I do write up doesn't see the light as it sucks.. or doesn't even see the comptuer screen.. it just gets written in my mind for most part...

it's like ai set limits for myself, set standards.. and have to fit in there, else it sucks. and it usually falls short.

probably why I've stopped writing lots of creative stuff....I... think... too... much... about.. the... details.... >>.>> and I shouldn't...problem is... it's not easy to stop... ::tugs at hair::
  • Current Music
    Unknown Artist - Track 6
Gibbs no idea

(no subject)

Whoo.. three page post, posted... course like... a quarter of the first page was started up on Oct 31...I just didn't know what to to write it .... rather.. I knew WHAT to write... it's the how to write it that was difficult. Still is to some extent. I'm analyzing things too much, and I shouldn't because hello? nothing's perfect and i can't plug up all the plot holes...

Forgot to mention it... I';m all over the place here.. LOL.. We got company over for a week. They're from my parents' old... days... Heh. I found out like an hour before they were supposed to come over (they're staying at a hotel) and hooboy.. "do you remember you did X when youw ere 2 years old"  uh.. no I don't remember that..."wow you've changed" well..yeah.. considering they've not seen me, and I've not seen them since like...well.. close to two decades.

Apparently I was a real troublemaker as a figures... will be seing more of them this week, not sure when/where we're going. I'm pretty sure mom and dad want to take them to BurJuman and Wafi City amongst other places...

And now.. I think because I've not slept at all last night... I think I should try getting some sleep tonight... at the very least, maybe i can try writing up some random stuff without thinking what i write.. like hey.. like I'm doing now!
  • Current Music
    Unknown Artist - Track 5
Yoda bring it on

Getting back on track?

Hehe.. so I've written up another small post for the Horizon. Might be getting back into things to some extent. Just need to get things flowing again, and try for a backstory fic I have in mind.

Oh and.. Jackie now officially has an avatar... ^^

Made by one of my crew members. Not exactly the look I was aiming for for an avatar, but it works quite well anyway.  I'm not exactly picky when it comes to things like that, because I'm not the one doing those things. I am satisfied with what gets done. And especially in cases where people do this sort of stuff without me asking for it. ^^ He said he's still gonna toy around with things, features and colouring as well.

My mood seems to be lifting somewhat. I was actually singing on the way to and from work; which was good. I've not done it in quite some time. It's the whole stress of things.. taking things too seriously, recent.. stuff.. yeah. I need to 'relax' more; it's not always easy though, I can't always tell when I need to relax or not.

Okay now if I can just sleep more than what I do now...that'd be grand.. I really do need to be in tip top shape by the time I start CELTA.
  • Current Music
    ABBA - Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!